One Headlight*
by AnimeCat
Summary: Trowa discovers Midii Une has died. Over the next few days, he remembers the love they had...and the brutal past that came back and tore them apart. Angst, non yaoi, R&R!
1. Default Chapter Title

*One Headlight*

AnimeCat: I finally got my hands on Trowa's episode Zero. Ashiko-chan sent me it like a million times but silly little blonde me lost it every time…Koz sent it to me this time and I managed to put it on my favorites…thanks! Oh yeah, since the manga was just that, a manga, I have no idea what color eyes Midii had…lets just say they were green. 

Another non-yaoi, this time I think I like this one a lot more. Dunno…just cuter ^_^

@-------

{So long ago I don't remember when}

AC 205

Staring at the note held in his hand, Trowa felt his breath catch in his chest. Painfully, he drew in another breath. 

A letter from Midii's family.

She'd…died…

"No," He managed, "no." 

His fingers tightened, crumpling the note. Two silver streaks made their way down his face and stained the paper. _How can she be dead? She...she… can't be… I never got to say I'm sorry…_

{That's when they say I lost my only friend}

*

AC 201

"Hey!" Someone called after him, breaking through the crowd. Trowa looked over his shoulder, looking for the speaker. "Nanashi!!" 

That broke the ice. Trowa froze in his steps and looked around wildly. _Who the--?_ Someone leaped on him, knocking the breath from his lungs and sending them both crashing to the ground. Furious, he opened his eyes and swore…something he didn't usually do, but usually he didn't find himself sprawled out on a sidewalk with someone laying on him. 

"Watch your mouth, Nanashi." The girl teased. Trowa's scowl vanished as he recognized the girls' features. His jaw gaped open. Those eyes!! He knew those eyes!! 

The girl grinned. "What's wrong, don't remember me?" She continued. "I remember you,"

"Midii…" He stammered. She smiled wide, showing all her teeth and her eyes lighting up. 

"You remember me!" She said joyously, her voice soft. She rolled off of him, and pulled him to his feet. He just kept staring at her in disbelief. 

"How--?" He finally said. She grinned again. Trowa marveled at the simple act. Those years ago…what she'd done…during the short time he'd known her, he'd never seen her smile, not once. There was no reason to, of course…but her constant attitude during that time denied him even the slightest thought of what her smile might look like. 

"You walked right past me and didn't recognize me at all!! But I _knew_ it was you!!" 

His forehead furrowed. "I suppose you don't remember what you did, then…because I don't think you'd be so happy to see me."

*

{Well, they said she died easy of a broken heart disease}

AC 205

"I didn't mean that…" He said softly, staring at the seat in front of him. Catherine was stroking his arm in comfort. 

"What's that, Trowa?" She asked, looking back at him. 

He glanced around the inside of the car before answering. Midii's family had still invited him to her funeral, after everything…

"Thank you for coming with me, Cathy…but it wasn't necessary." He said, forcing every word. Catherine nodded.

"It wasn't necessary but it's something a big sister does. I'm here for you, Trowa." She said strongly. 

Trowa took a deep breath, fighting the tears that wanted to flow. It was more than a struggle, it was an all out war, and taking all of the willpower he possessed.

{As I listened through the cemetery trees}

*

AC 201

Her face clouded, her eyes loosing the glint of happiness she had. Trowa's gaze intensified on her, not yielding even though she was in obvious emotional pain. 

"No," She said, her voice cracking, "I remember like it was yesterday." She brought her clutched hands to her chest and shut her eyes. "I still know what I did…but seeing you again," She looked back at him through her wavy pale blond hair, "I don't know…for a moment I think I did forget."

Trowa's harsh expression softened. He said nothing more. They both stood there amongst the crowds, people pushed past them and yet they stood unmoving like statues. Finally Midii took a deep breath and spoke again.

"Nanashi?" She asked softly. "Won't you even speak to me?"

Trowa swallowed hard. "I have a name now, Midii." He said shortly. "It's Trowa Barton."

She now smiled again, faintly. "Trowa? That's a very good name…I like it. Do you have anything else? Friends, family maybe? A girlfriend?"

"Yes…" Trowa nodded. "Friends, family….a sister, her name is Catherine…girlfriend-- no."

"You found family?" Her smile grew again. "I'm so happy for you." 

Trowa blinked. "Thank you, Midii." He said softly. The dead silence fell again. Finally Midii took a step back, her hands trembling. 

"It was great seeing you again, er…Trowa." She said dejectedly. She turned around and took a slow step away.

*

{I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn}

AC 205

It didn't rain, as Trowa expected it to. In fact, no one could ask for a better day. Trowa stared up into the bright sky blankly. 

__

I want…

The sunshine hurt his eyes a little, but he squinted and kept staring into the endless see of blue. No clouds, not one. No birds, nothing. Just infinite blue clear as glass. 

__

To be…

"I guess no one could ask for a better day to be buried." Trowa said coldly. "This day," He stopped and exhaled, realizing he hadn't taken a breath for a while, "this day is just like…" And he found himself unable to continue. 

__

Beside you…(1)

{The long broken arm of human law}

*

AC 205

As he watched her walk, a slow gnawing pain started in his chest. _Why?? Why did I treat her like that? It was so long ago!! She was never a bad person, she did that for her family!_

"Midii, wait!" He shouted out. Midii stopped walking and slowly turned around. 

"What is it?" She asked so quietly he strained to hear it. Her eyes bore the pain they had that day eleven years ago. 

Apparently she still felt the same…

Trowa couldn't find words. What could he possibly say anyway?! That look in her eyes, eyes of one who has lost innocence…her eyes were the reason he hadn't killed her on that day. Empyreal green, impossibly human but Midii was far from any angel. 

The soldiers who died because of that damn transmitter she wore! It was partially him, why hadn't he asked? Why hadn't he suspected that little device was a transmitter? When he thought about it now, he mentally tortured himself for his stupidity. 

But even after it all he was still blaming her. Cursing her. Why? Because she wanted her family to survive? Why was he dwelling on something that really shouldn't matter to a soldier?? 

__

Because I'm not anymore…

"You don't have…" He broke off, feeling the hollow that he'd felt that day return. But he fought it. "You don't have to go…" He resumed. 

__

Stay with me this time…

"Nanashi…." She said gently, "you know….how I…" 

Trowa nodded. "I know…don't say it, Midii." 

Midii nodded, biting her lip…tears filling her eyes…those intangible eyes, like a sea in a storm. 

*

AC 201, 3 months later

{Now it always seemed such a waste}

"Looks like rain…" Trowa commented, shielding his eyes and staring into the sky. Midii did the same. 

"Yeah…" She agreed, then, as if someone had twisted the handle of a faucet, the rain hit them dead on, soaking through their skin instantaneously. "Well," She said sadly, "there goes the afternoon!" 

__

Damn, Trowa thought angrily. Week old plans gone in a moment!! But when he looked to her, she was smiling, face lifted to the skies as the rain pounded her and flattened her dress to her body. 

"Midii?" He asked. "What are you doing?" 

"I love the rain…" She said softly, extending her arms out and twirling once. 

"Why?" Trowa still puzzled. 

"I love things simple like this!! Don't you?" She looked at him, head tilted slightly to the side.

"Well, yeah…I like the rain and all that…don't think I've ever danced in it…" He said uncertainly. She stepped up to him and took his hands in hers. 

"Then dance with me now…" She tempted. He smiled. "Come on, Little Nanashi…" She teased him, "is it everyday you get to dance with a pretty girl in the rain?"

"What's so great about the rain?" Trowa asked again. She groaned, grinning. She took a step back and twirled again. She stopped and looked even more excited about the rain than before.

__

"Everything!" She whispered, her voice rich with happiness. "It's a piece of the sky! It's heaven and earth…" She rambled for a moment.

"What do you mean, 'heaven and earth'?" 

"A part of heaven coming down to greet the earth! Trowa, I guess it's the closest I'll ever get to the real heaven…" She continued.

"Midii…." He tried to say, but she wasn't listening. She was smiling up at the sky. She brought her eyes back down and locked with his own. 

"This is my heaven," Midii sighed contentedly, "being here….in the rain on this great day…"

__

With you…

He sighed, exaggerating the sound. "All right, all right…I'll dance with you…"

Her face lit up, but she said nothing. She twirled again, tripped and landed in Trowa's arms. 

Of course, this was no accident. 

*  
AC 201, Christmas Eve

{She always had a pretty face}

"You're quiet tonight." Midii said, sitting down next to him on her couch. She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's Christmas Eve…shouldn't you be smiling?" 

Trowa sighed. "Granted, Midii, this is probably the best Christmas I've had in a long time…just reminds me of other times…" 

"That makes me feel good," Midii smiled, "What kind of times? Tell me…" She urged softly. 

There was a moment of quiet. She didn't urge him again, sensing he would tell her. His eyes darted from the well-lit tree to the wreaths and the like donned all over the walls. She kept her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes. Somewhere in the distance they could hear someone playing Silent Night. 

"Remember the Eve Wars?" 

Midii nodded, opening her eyes and looking up at him. The small Nanashi from her past now towered over her as Trowa Barton. "Of course I do." 

"That's what it reminds me of."

"Oh." She said in a small voice. "Why? Nothing really became of it…nothing nearly as damaging as the Oz and Romafellar wars…" 

Midii caught the small tremor that went through his body. "Trowa?" She asked, somewhat frightened. "Trowa, what's wrong?" 

He breathed deep. _I can tell her, can't I? It's not that big of a secret, not at all. _He looked into her eyes again…the eyes that always rendered him weak. 

"Did you…fight in these wars?" She asked as quietly as possible. 

"Yes." He admitted after a moment, though the silence had already given her an answer. "I fought for the colonies." 

Midii knew something deep inside, another answer given by the silence. "You were a Gundam pilot, weren't you?" She asked flatly. No response, then Trowa nodded slowly. 

Midii surprised him immensely by gripping his hand tightly. He looked at her again, and she was smiling. "That's Nanashi, alright…" She whispered. "If you're going to be a soldier you might as well be one of the best, ne?" 

She took his face in her hands and brought it to her own, brushing her lips on his. "I love you so much," She whispered breathlessly onto his cheek. "I always have…"

"Midii-" 

"Shh…" 

She kissed him again, this time he could taste the saline on her lips from her tears. 

{I wondered how she hung around this place}

@-------

AnimeCat: My first intention was to post this as a whole…but considering the way I'm breaking the song up I'm only to the end of the first verse. This chapter is only a test, see if I get reviews then I'll continue it. So….reviews? Please?

  1. If you've seen his episode zero you'll know this line. "I want to be beside you" is something that Midii is thinking when she and Trowa part in 190. 

Ja!!!


	2. Default Chapter Title

*One Headlight*

Part 2

AnimeCat: Thanks for the reviews, minna-san!! I hardly ever see TrowaxMidii fics, and I was worried I wouldn't get any readers because not many people know who she is! That's why there wasn't a pairing note in the summary last time…

I'm going to break up the song differently.

@------- * -------@

__

~ Hey, come on try a little,

Nothin' is forever ~

AC 205

Slowly they lowered Midii Une into her grave, and Trowa tried to understand the deep hollow etched into his soul. _You're finally free, I guess. _He thought coldly. _You still have your name, you still have your history, and now you've still got a home in this hallowed ground. And you're free. _

Now it's the opposite, isn't it, Midii? He thought wonderingly, his attitude changing. _Now it is different. I've got everything you had…but why am I still empty? I had nothing, not even a name-- and I was free. Then things change…I'm not longer free but I'm still empty. I always was. _

But he was wrong and he knew it. There was a time…a few years where the hollow inside had gone away. _When I had Midii…_

~ There's got to be somethin' better than

In the middle ~

*

AC 202

Around the same date as last year, someone behind him was shouting, "Nanashi!!", but it was accompanied by the beeping of a car horn. Trowa turned around quickly, wondering.

A classic-looking dark blue car pulled up next to him on the sidewalk and the passenger door swung open. He peered inside and saw Midii in the drivers seat, her face bright and smiling. 

"Get in!" She said eagerly. Trowa nodded and sat down. He'd hardly shut the door before Midii was zooming down the street. His eyes wide in surprise, he fumbled desperately for his seat belt.

"Midii…" He started.

"Yes?" She smiled at him. 

"Can I drive?" 

Midii grinned evilly and put more pressure on the gas. "Not this time, Nanashi." She teased playfully. Trowa whimpered dramatically and tried to relax enough to examine the car. He hardly recognized the design.

"This is an old car, Midii…where'd you get it?" He questioned. 

"Not old," She corrected, "Classic."

"Okay…" He smiled, "This is a classic car, Midii, where'd you get it?"

"It's a Volkswagen Passat(1) from Earth…you have no idea how classic this car is." She ran her hand over the dashboard. "It's a few hundred years old…so old that this car is actually just a reproduction."

"Ahhh…" Trowa said. "Makes sense."

"You're not very informed on history, are you?" She teased, lifting up a flat silver disk that on one side had a blue and white star pattern. "Can you tell me what this is?" 

"It's a disk." He said. 

Midii groaned. "Not _just_ a disk. These are impossible to find now days. It's called a CD," She slid it into something on the controls. "Music plays from them. My dad used to collect them when he could. Since hardly anyone has players for these anymore, he could get them from people who didn't know what the hell it was." 

A slow musical tune vibrated softly from the speakers. He didn't recognize it. "What kind of music?"

"All kinds. This is one of my favorite songs." 

"By who?" 

"Some band called The Wallflowers." 

Trowa blinked. "What the hell kind of name is that?!"

She laughed suddenly and loudly, and turned up the volume. As the music came into full, Trowa just watched Midii drive. He looked at her hands, her face…

__

~ But me and Cinderella

We put it all together ~

He turned his head as someone started singing.

__

"So long ago I don't remember when…"

"That's when they say I lost my only friend" 

"That's a sad thing." Trowa commented. Somehow in the back of his mind it seemed vaguely familiar. Midii shrugged and began singing along. 

"Well, they said she died easy of a broken heart disease," She sang softly, her voice clear and liquid. For the entire song, Trowa was transfixed on the sound of her voice. 

Finally the song came to an end, and Midii switched off the player with a sigh. "I just love hearing that one song." She said, then looked at the player and blinked. "Come to think of it…I don't think I've even heard the whole CD yet…." 

"Midii…" He suddenly said, looking around. "Where are we going?" 

She blushed. "I want you to meet my family."

Trowa stared blankly at her for a moment. "What?"

"I'm taking you to meet my two brothers." She said. This didn't register in Trowa's memory. 

"Wait, you had three." Trowa said pointedly. Her smile dropped, turning faint. 

"Yes," She agreed quietly. "I _had_ three. I also had my father. Now all I have is Yuuki and Risou(2)."

"I'm sorry, Midii." He said after a moment. "What happened?"

She didn't answer right away. "Unfortunately the sacrifice of my innocence only bought Shoukon Une another three years." She said coolly. "I raised my brothers by myself. At thirteen I was practically a mother. My youngest brother was five. The twins were eight."

Trowa stared at her numbly. "How did your other brother…" He trailed off, assuming it had been the youngest brother who had died. "How did you manage?"

"Well…I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep because I was so scared. But after that…I went to work. I worked every day for two years. I cleaned people's houses, I watched their children, and when I got a little older I was allowed to work regular jobs. My brothers and me lived like rats…but we _lived._ I made sure they never went hungry."

"Then what happened?"

"Nareru and Risou went to work when they were eleven. By the time they were twelve we were finally living an almost comfortable life. Nareru was almost thirteen when he came home and told me he was going to fight in the war." And Midii was quiet once again. "It was near the end…Treize Khusrenada was World Sovereign Leader…Milliardo Peacecraft was head of the White Fang." She continued a moment later, her voice tight. "I…I didn't know Nareru was fighting for the White Fang…." 

Trowa's eyes widened. _Oh God, No!!! _He thought wildly. 

"I wanted to die when I found out. I got a letter… He died in action… He was killed by a…" She choked on her voice. "He was killed by a Gundam." 

Trowa's blood turned to ice. _No…oh God………_

"I don't know which one…I just know it was inside Libra." 

__

That would have been Duo, Quatre or me. He thought harshly, _It probably wasn't Quatre…God, it was probably me…I killed Midii's brother, I just know it. _

"He was a little boy," She said softly, "Just thirteen…but he was so stupid…" 

"No soldier is stupid, Midii…he fought to protect you…" Trowa said gently. Midii pulled over to the side of the road and burst into tears. She beat her fists against the steering wheel. 

"Why, Nareru??" She screamed in agony, "Why did you have to go and do that??"

Instantly Trowa reached out for her and held Midii's trembling body to his own. For a while they sat there in silence, the only sounds were Midii crying and cars passing by. After a long time, Midii finally stopped shaking. She took a deep breath and looked up at Trowa, who was watching her, extremely concerned. 

"Are you ok?" He asked gently. Her eyes quivering with tears but she nodded.

"I think I messed up your shirt." Midii said, studying the large dark stain in the center of his green shirt. Trowa chuckled. 

"That's ok. I can wash it." 

Midii nodded. "I don't think I want to go today, after all." She sat up straight in the driver's seat after kissing him in gratitude. "I know somewhere else near here."

"Ok," He agreed. "Are you sure you're ok? We could just go out to lunch."

She shook her head, smiling weakly. "As long as you're here, Nanashi, I'll always be ok."

__

~ We can drive it home

With one headlight ~

@------- * -------@

1-AC's car of choice! ^_~

2-I had a bunch of French names for her brothers and father…but they sucked and I changed them back to Japanese words from White Reflection. I have no idea what they mean…

Review!!! At the moment this is like my favorite fic in the world!!


	3. Default Chapter Title

*One Headlight*

AnimeCat: I got an offer for this to be on a TrowaxMidii site! *dances*

Now that my exams are over…here we go! 

__

@------- * -------@

__

~ She said it's cold, it feels like Independence Day, ~

AC 202

"I hate it here." She said quietly. Trowa, who had been absentmindedly studying a ladybug crawling from leaf to leaf, looked up at her from his sprawled out position on the grass. Midii sat upright, supporting herself up by her arms extended behind her. Her gaze was fixated n a collection of buildings a few miles from the hill they'd stopped at. 

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"It's false. The whole colony….it's…I just hate it." Midii faltered. 

"Why don't you move to Earth, then?"

Midii smiled crudely. "Because it's the colony my beloved yet foolish little brother died for."

"So you're tied to the colony because Nareru died for it?" Trowa questioned, watching her. Her eyes flickered with emotions. 

__

Anger…hatred…sadness…despair…

She turned to him, and the emerald colors flickered with new emotions.

__

Joy…love…happiness…hope…

~ _And I can't break away from this parade ~_

Trowa honestly didn't know what relationship he had with Midii. He knew how much Midii loved him, and he knew exactly how he felt about her. 

The problem was not how he felt about her.

The problem was his confusion at his future with her. 

And like she had been reading his mind, an ability he always amusedly wondered if she _did_ possess considering she did this so often,

"Trowa…where do you see us going from here?" She asked softly.

He didn't meet her gaze. "I'm not really sure, Midii. I can't answer that"

She smiled faintly. "I understand…"

"I…" He tried tensely. She stood up, dusting dirt and grass from her skirt. 

She looked down at him. "Do you think we should try and figure it out?"

"We should…but not now, okay, Midii?" Trowa choked out. 

"Okay." She said smoothly, her voice seemingly flat. 

She helped him up, and they walked silently back to the car, with Trowa's mind a torturing maze of pained confusion.

~ _But there's got to be an opening_

Somewhere here in front of me ~

AC 202, 3 weeks later

Finally being able to be the driver rather than passenger, Trowa could only smile. Midii's crazy driving had made him almost loose his stomach on more than one occasion. Now she sat impatient in the passenger's seat, drumming her fingers on her knees. 

He'd begun arranging a surprise from that day three weeks back. He'd told her an hour ago, and now they were traveling to the shuttle port, headed for Earth…

She turned her head to him, a strand of hair falling into her face only to be brushed back with annoyance. "I still can't believe you're doing this, Trowa." She said fondly, her eyes shining with adoration. Trowa kept his eyes on the road, still smiling. 

"It's not that big of a deal, Midii…" He tried to sound passive but the tone failed in his throat. _Damn, _he thought, abashed, _I'm starting to sound like her!! _

"No, really…this means a lot more than you could possibly understand…" Midii continued, now staring out the window. They were catching a late flight, the earlier flight had been canceled. She watched the goings-on outside her window as they drove, city lights dancing on her face with a strange sense of beauty. For a moment she looked mystifying. Magical somehow. With shadows framing her face and the multicolored lights playing tag on her face and upper torso. Her eyes were soft, her lips half-smiling, a contented look…one too happy to truly express it. 

She started humming that song she loved so much. The one that gave Trowa an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu…

"I see the exit we're getting off at," He commented rhetorically. She just continued humming, nodding in a strange way. Up once, down once, then returning to the casual position(1). 

Trowa sighed inwardly. He had the strangest feeling. It hung over his head like the executioner's ax. A feeling that maybe this trip wouldn't go over as well as he wanted it to. He'd left Earth for the same reason Midii wanted to go. His dark past of death, destruction and lost innocence. His attempt at leaving it behind was to return to his colony…he was returning for her.

For Midii. 

To make her happy…

__

"Because you love her!!" Every sense he had as a living, breathing creature told him this daily. His being, existence…his _salvation_ depended on the emotions she was helping him rediscover. 

The boy with no past and no future called Nanashi only lived day by day. There was no reason or desire to look toward a better future. He didn't feel anything, nothing for life, anything for battle. He didn't feel the lack of emotions because he felt nothing. He was empty. As Midii had told him. 

He had been a soldier because he knew how to be. Not because of some inner lust for battle. 

__

~ Through this maze of ugliness and greed ~

Becoming a Gundam pilot…the others and Catherine had helped him rediscover life and emotions as well. Friendship, family, caring, compassion, concern…happiness…the most important of all. 

He glanced at Midii through the corner of his eyes. Her being with him….her loving him…it brought even more of the feelings he'd never even known he'd been missing. Defined better, different levels of happiness and love. Other ones he only shared with her. 

He did know how much this trip meant to her. He knew exactly. 

She was there with Trowa. He was taking her to the place that had held so much pain for him, and she would be there now should he feel that pain again. He was her light that kept her eyes shielded from her own painful past, as she would be his. 

__

~ And I see the sign up ahead at the county line bridge ~

The colony was her hell, the earth was his. 

She could never leave the colony. Her brother's death bound her there. 

He could leave the earth…but his mind…his subconscious would always return there…

Bound to opposite places, drawn to the opposite, they met in the middle…the connection held, and together, traveling back to either place was nothing but a mere obstacle in their love…

~ _Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead ~_

AC 205

__

~ We'll run until she's out of breath

She ran until there's nothing left ~

Turning his head slightly, he saw Yuuki and Risou standing close to the grave of their sister. Their eyes were bloodshot, their skin pale, and the younger Yuuki was almost to tears again. Trowa could hear his choking breath all the way from where he stood. 

Risou turned around, and saw Trowa. His pale green eyes narrowed. 

__

Even though he invited me, he doesn't seem so happy to see me, Trowa thought. Risou tapped Yuuki on the shoulder and gestured toward Trowa and Catherine who stood some feet from him, standing in idle silence watching the trees. Yuuki turned, and surprised Trowa immensely by smiling. _It must have been Yuuki, then. _He realized. 

Yuuki took a step toward him, and Risou grabbed his arm and stopped Yuuki in his tracks. They exchanged a quiet word or two before Yuuki tugged away from Risou's grasp and walked to Trowa. The younger boy extended a trembling hand, which Trowa shook. 

"I'm Yuuki…we never met…Midii talked about you a lot…showed me a lot of pictures." Yuuki said, trying to be friendly. 

"Same…" Trowa answered, "I'm so sorry, Yuuki… What happened?" 

Yuuki sighed, and his eyes drifted to the gravestone.

Midii Une

AC 180 - AC 205

Loved by many, always to be in their hearts. 

"Doc says her heart just kind of gave out." He whispered. "I guess he's right…she worked harder than a grown woman when she was just a kid. She…she gave us everything… She never gave up…"

Trowa looked up into the sky. "And she got her wish…"

"Buried on Earth." Yuuki choked. "Last time I spoke to her she made me and Risou promise not to bury her on 'the Goddamn colony'." 

Yuuki began to fish through his pockets. "She also talked about you a lot when she was in the hospital…I knew I should invite you…but Risou was kind of holding on to what she used to say when she first got back home a few years ago."

Trowa lowered his head. "Which was pretty foul, wasn't it?"

Yuuki laughed hoarsely. "There were more tears than words…" Yuuki locked eyes with him, "You meant a lot to her."

"Yuuki, you don't know how much I regret it--"

Yuuki shook his head. "You don't have to tell me. Look, she gave me this," He pulled out a small, flat white box from his pocket. "For you. That's how I convinced Risou to let you come…I wasn't about to send this through mail."

Trowa took the small box in his hands, far too scared to think about opening it. "Thanks…" Trowa breathed. 

Yuuki's words hit him again. _"Doc says her heart just kind of gave out…She never gave up…"_

The pain is over, Midii… He thought harshly, studying the small box so tightly gripped in his hands, _You held on for so long…everything is okay now…_

~ She hit the end- it's just her window ledge ~

@------- * -------@

AnimeCat: Okay, one more chapter will do it…*sniffle* Thanks to Neya, who REALLY helped me when I got stuck!!

Review!! Can I have 7?? The other chapters both got 7…can we keep that up? ^_~

1- This is how John Coffey nods, ya know, from The Green Mile? *scratches head* Well, I dun remember if he did in the movie but in the book he did. 


	4. The Past Returns

*One Headlight*

Part 4

AnimeCat: I am SOOO sorry about the wait! Writers block is killer, and I've been working on some other fics I'll be posting soon. This is the finale….enjoy! 

@------- * -------@

__

~ Hey, come on try a little,

Nothin' is forever, ~

AC 205

Yuuki again turned to him. "What _happened?_" The young man asked suddenly. "I don't get it….she never stopped talking about you, 'Trowa this, Nanashi that'…and suddenly you take her on a trip and she shows up at my door crying her head off." 

A lump formed in Trowa's throat. He couldn't talk about it, it hurt…God it hurt. The memory of his damned overreaction stung harshly. The past always comes back, it doesn't stay history. 

__

~ There's got to be somethin' better than

In the middle ~

"I….can't…" Trowa croaked. Yuuki studied his face. 

"Yeah…" The blonde looked away. "Hey, you know you can stay…but it's not a good idea to come with us later, though…Risou really wouldn't like it."

Trowa nodded. "It's ok….I'll leave in a little while…"

He looked down at the small little box Yuuki had handed him again, and his hands trembled. Images of her crying face surfaced in his head, the memory of his bitter voice unyielding to her pain.

__

~ But me and Cinderella 

We put it all together ~

Yuuki placed his hand on Trowa's shoulder before he stepped back to Risou.

"Look…you made her happier than she ever could have imagined." Yuuki locked eyes with him. Silver tears streaked down his face. Trowa stopped breathing completely. "I'm not saying that to make it hurt more, believe me. She didn't die miserable, hating you. S-she," His voice shook, and tears erupted from his eyes but the boy struggled to continue, "she loved you….I think in some way you kept her alive…she used to say sometimes, when she was sad, that since she'd done all she could, what else was there? S-sh-she never s-smiled a l-lot….but then after she m-met you ag-again…she never stopped…" 

__

~ We can drive it home

With one headlight ~

AC 202

"The _zoo?_" He repeated quizzically. Midii smiled childishly. 

"Ple-e-e-ease?" She pulled out the syllables. "I've never been to one!! I saw something yesterday about there being a zoo near here! Let's go see it!" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously until he was laughing hysterically at her efforts. She grinned. "Well, I'll take that as a yes!!"

~~~~~

__

~ Well, this place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck 

I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn ~

Trowa had made some kind of habit out of watching her face. He couldn't help it…he loved her smile. Now as she watched lions laze about the cage, smiling softly as cubs pounced on each other in mock-fights, he watched her, hardly daring to breath….lest this perfect image be shattered. 

"Aren't they cute?" She asked him suddenly, breaking the reverie. She gestured towards the cubs. He shot his head in that direction but wasn't really looking.

"Yeah….adorable." He agreed. Midii turned to him and grinned. 

"Don't think I can't see you, Trowa Barton." She taunted. He flushed a dark red. "Normally I'd be a little creeped out with guys staring at me like you do…" She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "But since it _is _you…I guess I don't mind so much…"

There was a quiet moment as Trowa dealt with his embarrassment and she continued watching the cubs. "Now seriously, aren't they adorable?" She said sweetly, making little bubbling sounds at the cubs. Curiously, one came a little closer to the secondary fence three feet from them, put up to insure safety to visitors. "Aww!!" She gushed.

"Hi, little guy…" Trowa said softly to it. The small thing nervously crept forward, but now coming towards Trowa. "Hey there…"

Midii pouted. "Lucky…" She whined as it came ever closer, now only a few feet from them. 

Trowa grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Midii…I have this thing with animals…" He apologized. She smiled and shrugged, but inched closer to him and leaned onto the railing, putting her chin into her hands. 

"It's fine….actually I think I'd be a tad nervous with Big Momma over there," She pointed at one of the lionesses eyeing him, giving him a look that just dared him to touch her cub. One that plainly said, _"Touch the kid and we'll play fetch with your arms and legs."_

~ Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes,

This place is always such a mess, ~

Taking the hint, Trowa took a step from the railing, smiling. He looked up at the sunny sky, glare burning into his pupils but the clear sky was simply too beautiful to look away. Midii still made gushy little sounds at the baby lion as Trowa aimlessly stared at the sky, bewildered at his sudden fascination at it. It was just so perfect…too perfect. 

His memories of the earth included days like this…starting out with a beautiful sun and a wondrous breeze…but ending with a sunset on bloody fields. He shuddered. To him, the sunlight felt like the blaze of fire. The beautiful sea of blue sky just made him feel further from home than he'd ever been. 

__

~ Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn ~

On earth…he was everything and nothing. He had been a Gundam pilot, someone jointly responsible for saving the earth from a violent end, but still unknown by the world. He was using a strangers name….but it was his name now. _He_ was Trowa Barton now. 

__

~ I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else, ~

"Hungry?" Her voice broke out. He looked to her, nodding. 

"Sure…" He looked around. "Things are kind of expensive around here…how does pizza sound?"

She smiled. "Great!" 

The crowds that passed them found amusement as they walked past the twittering couple…

"Pepperoni."

"Cheese."

"Pepperoni."

"Rock, paper, scissors…"

"Damn."

~~~~~

Midii sat back, finished with her slice of cheese pizza. 

"I swear, you can read minds." Trowa huffed, pouting a little over his loss. 

She grinned. "Trowa…I don't need to…you always choose scissors." She giggled for a moment. Her gaze passed over him…he'd hardly eaten. He'd been a little out of it for a while, kind of dazed. "Is the heat getting to you, Trowa?" She asked, concerned. He looked up at her, briefly startled. He cocked his head to the side, as if trying to figure out what she was talking about. 

"No…it's not that." He shook his head. 

"Are you tired?" She probed further, trying to get some response from him. He shook his head, but there was no response. "Nanashi? Are you ok?"

Life sparked in his distant eyes. But she didn't like the look, not one bit. 

"Please don't call me that anymore, Midii." He said tensely. Midii felt a little taken aback with his tone.

"Er….why not? You never minded before…" She said curiously. 

Inside, Trowa was enraged…and for no reason he could find. It was….just….that nickname….he couldn't handle it. Not here, not in this private hell of his. He had a name…that was it. He wasn't No-Name anymore…and now it infuriated him to hear that word…as if it was some disgusting insult to him. 

His hands were shaking. 

"Trowa?!" She yelped. "God, what's wrong?" 

He wasn't the soldier with no name anymore….he wasn't!!! 

Trowa shook his head, shaking away the memories…the screams…_her_ face… _That_ name brought it back… It combined his anger with what had happened between them as children to what had happened here on earth…everything he had done, and everything she had done.

That's what "Nanashi" was to him…

"That's not who I am anymore…" He continued, biting down hard on his tone. 

__

~ Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same

But somewhere here inbetween 

These city walls of dyin' dreams ~

"I know that…" Midii said softly. "It's…just a nickname…just how I'm used to seeing you…"

His eyes leveled with hers. "That's how you see me?" He asked bitterly. "Nanashi? No-Name? No past, no future? Just the little soldier who trusted you?!"

Midii jumped back, horrified. "No…that's not what I meant!"

"Must be a family thing, right?" He continued, his voice hateful. "First you, little innocent-looking Midii Une, betrays me and the only people I'd ever known, then her little brother goes and does the same."

Her eyes were quivering with tears. "I don't…understand…" She whispered, shaking. 

"I can't do this anymore." Trowa said coldly. "I can't pretend nothing happened. It happened and its over, but the past comes back."

He got up, his chair screeching against the floor loudly. "I guess I loved you too, that day. That's why I didn't kill you. And I guess I still do." Trowa choked up the words, and they were bitter on his lips. "But I can't take it. I'm still empty, nothing's gonna change that. You still see me as Nanashi…and I can't deal with it."

He turned away.

"Trowa!! Oh God, what--?!"

But he continued walking.

__

~ I think her death, it must be killin' me ~

AC 202

__

~ Hey, come on try a little,

Nothin' is forever, ~

Slowly he opened the box. His breath caught in his chest at the sight of the small gold chain. He lifted it up, bringing out the small golden cross…a gift from beyond the grave…

__

~ There's got to be somethin' better than 

In the middle ~

"Oh my God…" He whispered. Underneath, was a folded paper. Holding the cross, he let the box drop as he opened the note. 

__

Trowa- 

I'm sorry…I knew better. I don't know what happened that day, and I don't care…I love you…I have since the first day, and I have since then. I know you're not Nanashi. Nanashi was empty, and Trowa Barton isn't. I **never** blamed you for what happened. 

Trowa, you had a horrible past…make yourself a better future. And according to my doctor, I probably wouldn't have been part of it anyway. Just look to the stars, smile, and think of me sometime, ok? 

I'll always love you, Midii Une

__

~ But me and Cinderella

We put it all together ~

Trowa looked up at the sun… "You are the stars," He whispered…

__

~ We can drive it home

With one headlight ~

@------- * -------@


End file.
